Ten years of checking boxes and feeling nothing

For over ten years, I lived inside a cycle I couldn't see while I was in it.

From the outside, I had it all together.

Biomedical researcher...

Long days in the lab...

A career people (especially my parents) respected.

On the inside, I was running on stress, worn down from decision after decision, and completely out of step with the life I was building.

I hated the direction I was headed.

I hated the person I was becoming.

But instead of listening to what my body kept trying to tell me, I found a shortcut:

I picked up a drink.

At first it was only a way to unwind after a hard day or week.

Over time, it became my main tool for shutting my brain off, forgetting my responsibilities, and quieting the fear I felt about my future.

I didn't realize it then, but every time I reached for a drink to dull that anxiety, I was making a trade...

And it wasn't a good one.

What numbing actually costs you

This week, I was watching an interview with neuroscientist and psychologist, Dr. Stephen Porges, father of polyvagal theory, on the Modern Wisdom podcast (fantastic episode btw, check it out here if you're interested).

He's a neuroscientist known for his work on how the body and the nervous system talk to each other.

One idea he explained stuck with me.

Here's the simple version:

Your body runs its own internal alarm system.

It's constantly reading your environment and sending you signals like a tight stomach, low energy, sudden irritability, or a low hum of anxiety you can't quite put your finger on.

None of that's random.

Your body's telling you something is off.

Your habits, your environment, your direction... something doesn't line up.

Think of it like a smoke detector.

When it goes off, the sound isn't the problem.

It's telling you there's a problem somewhere else in the house.

Numb that sound with alcohol, endless scrolling, junk food, or burying yourself in work, and you haven't put out the fire...

You've only pulled the battery out of the detector.

For over a decade, my body kept going off...

• This environment isn't sustainable
• This career path is burning you out
• You're out of alignment

But because I kept "hitting snooze" on the alarm, the message never landed.

Eventually a body runs out of gentle warnings.

In December of 2025, mine forced a full stop... a health crisis that brought my entire life to a complete stop, overnight.

A question worth sitting with

If you're reading this in the middle of a demanding career, feeling stuck in burnout, or feeling time slip by without the health, relationships, lifestyle, or fulfillment you want, take this as a checkpoint.

Ask yourself honestly:

What are you using to mute your own alarm?

Is it a drink the second you close your laptop?

Is it late night food to cope with a hard day?

Is it fourteen hour workdays so you don't have to sit with an empty relationship or a life with no real direction?

Numbing the feeling doesn't solve what caused it...

It only delays the bill your body will eventually hand you.

Getting the signal working again

You can't build a future self while you refuse to listen to the body you have right now.

If any of this sounds familiar, you don't need a complicated fix.

What you need is enough quiet for the signal to come through again.

Try this over the next week:

1. Name the habit you lean on most to escape discomfort. A drink, scrolling, food, distraction, whatever it is for you.
2. Give yourself 48 hours without it. Don't try to fix your whole life in that window. Only remove the buffer.
3. Pay attention to what shows up when the noise gets turned down. Exhaustion. Anxiety about your direction. Frustration with where you are.

Don't judge what comes up... just observe.

That's the exact information you need to start making real changes.

What would your future self tell you to do right now?

If the burnt out version of me from a few years back sat across from me today, he wouldn't tell me to work harder or push through the exhaustion.

He'd tell me to put the drink down, stop running from the discomfort, and give my body the quiet it needed to heal.

Your body isn't working against you.

Those signals aren't a flaw.

They're your own system trying to point you back in the right direction.

Stop muting the signal... stop hitting the snooze button.

Listen to what it's telling you, and take one small step to honor it today.

Have you noticed a habit you lean on to numb daily stress?

Hit reply and tell me.

I read every single one.

Here's to your good health.

Until next week,

-Peter